Jazmin Aliyah Malik

Our Precious Angel Bubbles.... Jazmin Aliyah

6th - 20th January 2006

A moment in our arms... forever in our hearts...

www.jazminswish.org.uk

We had always planned for children but never expected that we would be pregnant on return from our honeymoon. I was so excited and the family was too, I know you are not supposed to tell people straight away in case anything happens, but i couldn’t wait!
As the weeks went on i got more and more impatient as I still wasn’t showing and it wasn’t obvious to other people that I had a new life growing inside.
When we got to 20 weeks we went for the anomaly scan but it was inconclusive as jazmin was in the wrong position, we were asked to go back in 3 weeks.

3 weeks came and we went back to the hospital for yet another scan, again jazmin was not playing games so we went for coffee and a walk. back again to try once more and she still was not doing as she was told so I was asked to go back again in the afternoon where the doctor would take a look. I sent hubs back to work and went in the third time on my own... if I had known what they were going to tell me I would never have let him go to work... I will never go for another scan again alone either. They told me that jazmin had a condition called truncus arteriousis and referred me to John Radcliffe hospital in oxford where we went the following day for a very detailed heart scan. It was all confirmed, jazmin did have serious complications with her heart. I was devastated and immediately wondered what I had done wrong to make her so poorly. I knew it was bad because the consultant offered a termination. That just upset me more, just as my bump was beginning to show they were asking me to get rid. I told them not to mention it again, it was not going to happen, even if there was a small chance my daughter would be ok then I would continue with the pregnancy and give her every chance I could.
The pregnancy was very emotional but filled with hope, each day I grew a little and she got a little more energetic inside, I held on to the belief that she would be ok.
Before Christmas 05 a scan showed she was not growing as well as she should and she was very small, they thought she would only be around 4lb. They debated delivering early... before Christmas. Although I was worried I was so excited again at the thought of having her with us for Christmas, what a fantastic Christmas present for everyone!!
However, when I returned the following week she had grown just enough for them to leave her a bit longer.
I actually carried her through Christmas and New Year and was finally induced 5th January 06. Labour was very quick... almost too quick and quite traumatic.. But it was all worth it when we saw our beautiful daughter. As she came out she screamed and all her apgar scores were fantastic... my belief was strengthened once more as she was taken to scbu to be monitored.
Her first 2 weeks were filled with countless visits by the consultant and his students; they all seemed very interested in her. We had lots of visits from friends and family and got to know our special little girl and learn about her personality.
However as the days went on we learned that her heart condition was actually multiple conditions.
On discussions with the surgeons after the first surgery they advised they had never seen her combination before of so many conditions in their 70 years combined experience. They did mention Great Ormond Street for a full reconstruction but then decided they could fix things themselves. They would correct everything the following day with full open heart surgery and the use of a donor blood vessel.
The day of the surgery was awful; we were in pieces just waiting helplessly. Finally we got the call from intensive care saying we had a strong little girl and she had made it back from theatre and her signs were really good. We were so relieved.
The 2 weeks we had spent with her, we had gotten to know her and love her, we had cuddled her for hours, fed her and bathed her and changed her and done everything we could to show how much we cared for her. We thought that she was going to prove how strong she was and come through the surgery to make a full recovery... our hopes were lost the following afternoon when our life turned into a horror film. Our little girl lost the fight on 20th January, we had a blessing for her and then she died in our arms. I tried to sit and hold her, but I felt so sick and so shocked that it only lasted a second until I gave her back to the doctors. An hour later, my parents had arrived and the nurses showed us to a quiet room where we all held jazmin and said our goodbyes.

The day we laid her to rest was beautiful.. And horrible at the same time. We had so many people come to the chapel to see her off that we were just so touched. A lot of the people that came we didn’t know, but Jazmin had still touched their hearts and they wanted to come. Even a couple of nurses came from the hospital which was very touching. We asked everyone to wear something pink to honour her and we all looked so lovely instead of dark and miserable. We had the service in the chapel where we played somewhere over the rainbow and thumbelina. I wrote the eulogy and tried my best to keep it lighthearted, although the vicar had to read it as I could not!
My husband was going to carry her from the chapel to the burial place but he decided at the last minute he didn’t want his last cuddle to be through a wooden box so we let the funeral guys carry her in the limo.
I couldn’t throw mud in with her as I didn’t believe she was in there, her spirit had already been set free and this was just a box. I stood and cried while everyone else did the mud throwing thing.
Inside her casket we put a photo of us so she would remember who we were and put in there a teddy she had been given so she would not be alone.
Although Jazmin’s time with us was short, i wouldn’t change any of it. she was here for a purpose, maybe to teach us how to love each other again, or maybe to help the hospital to help other babies, either way I believe she knew and I believe she would be proud of all she achieved.
I am so glad that we gave her the chance to live and would make the same choice over again 100 times if it meant we got to have the time we did.
I hope to try again one day and can’t wait to tell Jazmin’s brothers and sisters all about her.

My Guardian Angel

I have a guardian angel
She comes with me everywhere
Although I cannot see her
I know she is always there
When I’m drowning in the darkness
She shines a light to guide the way
When I’m suffering with sadness
She brightens up my day
She holds me when I’m lonely
And smiles with me when I’m glad
She reminds me of the memories
And the happy times we had
She is the sunshine through the clouds
And the whistle in the wind
She is the flowing of the waterfall
And every pretty thing
She helps me to grow stronger
With each day that does go by
She is the brightest star
Shining high up in the sky


Love you always angel, lots of love and kisses from mummy xxxxxx


Our thanks go out to all at the JR in Oxford for all their care and support especially to Ward 4B and PICU and of course the surgeons who tried to give Jazmin the best chance of life... we can never thank you all enough xx